He turned 1 years old on Sunday. My little squish face turned 1. It’s like now that he has a number, he just seems automatically bigger. All of a sudden he looks so tall, like a real little toddler.
I thought I would be super emotional on the day and have haunting memories of his birth (we had a traumatic birth experience), but I really wasn’t. I watched him play and enjoy all his new toys and every time he smiled, it made me feel lighter. When the clock struck 9.50pm (the time of his birth) I breathed a big sigh of relief. We did it. The year was finally over and I had made it in one piece.
I’m not sure why I set myself this deadline of reaching 9.50pm, I think it was because I suffered such post traumatic stress that I wasn’t quite sure how I would deal with those dates and times again, but I think I did okay. It’s like a weight has been lifted. It made me wonder if any other Moms have felt the same pressure?
The pressure we put ourselves under as Mom’s, especially during the first year of our babies lives, is intense. I think it’s because we love so much. But I’ve learnt that it’s okay to make mistakes and it’s okay to cry once in a while. It doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong, it means you’re doing something right, you’re living in love, and that’s hard.
My wish for you (and for me) today is that you will honour yourself for being the best Mom you can be and doing the best that you can for your child. Your best is your best, it’s nobody else’s best. Forget about your best friend who breast fed until 18 months, forget about that perfect instagram Mom with all the best clothes and perfect photos. Your best is you, and that’s all your child wants from you. You.
Happy Birthday to my little Leo. You will always have the best of me.