This week was a stressful one for me. I’m usually not a very goal driven person. But this past week was different. I had set myself a goal to launch my newest creation on the 18th of July. And with that deadline came a load of pressure…
I’m not a fan of pressure. Or deadlines. Or goals. I feel that it removes all that is good and real from the current moment. It makes us live in the future and think “It will be okay when I’m finished this project. Life will go back to normal again. Everything will be okay.”
Goals make me tired, stressed, lazy, irritable and just horrible to be around. I prefer to wake up with the sun, slowly enjoy my cup of chai, and depending on my mood, decide what I want to do with my day.
When you have your mind set on reaching a goal no matter what, you tend to neglect all the good things in life to get there.
You’re so focused on reaching that moment in the future when “everything will be okay again”, that you pay no attention to what’s really going on around you.
Sometimes, you don’t eat. There’s just no time (you tell yourself).
You snap at people who annoy you in the slightest way, usually the people you love the most.
And you land up going to bed way too late and exhausted. And then you can’t sleep. Your mind is still buzzing with anything and everything to do with accomplishing your goal. “I haven’t done this yet, things are moving too slowly. Let me make a note of that on my iPhone right now so I don’t forget to do that in the morning.”
By the time you actually get to sleep you fall into such a deep sleep that you dream the craziest shit and by the time you wake up you feel like you need a sleep to recover from your sleep.
But it’s time to wake up now and hit repeat.
Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.~ Narcotics Anonymous
I reached my goal and launched on said date, but it wasn’t as glorious a moment as I had envisioned. I was broken. I needed 2 full days to recover. To let my mind rest. My body eat, drink and sleep. And my soul come alive again.
Setting that goal caused me to lose sight of my core desired feelings in every way. When I stopped concentrating on how I wanted to feel, before, during and after my project, no matter what the date, I stopped living.
If I had a choice to go back and do it all again would I do it differently?
No. I don’t believe in regrets. I have learnt and grown from this experience. The end result of my project is amazing and I feel like a proud Mom when I browse through the members area of what I have created.
But something was missing in my life during this period. Love. Love for myself and everything around me.
And if you can’t give love you can’t receive love, no matter how much someone tries to give it to you.
Yesterday was a beautiful sunny winters day in Cape Town. The best kind. Light breeze, blue sky, perfect view of Table Mountain. I sat in the sun with one of my dearest friends, painted my nails red and smoked a joint. Yes, I smoke weed from time to time, shock horror.
I sat on my balcony, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin, chilled out to the max and opened up my book, The Fire Starter Sessions by Danielle LaPorte, I read one page and it put everything back into perspective: Being genuine is the only way to go if you’re here to really, truly, fully live.
And just like that life is good again. Love is all around. Don’t forget to really, truly, fully live, in every moment.
Do you find yourself missing out on life when you’re working towards a goal? Let me know in the comments below.