A new kind of stable.

“How do you find balance running a business like this and maintaining your sanity?” Was the question he asked me. “Ahem… So you’re assuming that I’m sane?”

They had sent me these questions a few days before and I don’t really like to go to deep into prepping answers coz then I suck on the spot with it, I rather go with what comes to me in the moment as answers, but this question I had no clue how to answer until that moment.

I knew people were going to hear this and I didn’t want to sell them a false reality. So I told them that I did not consider myself to be sane in the slightest and then added a few bits of evidence to support that claim. Needless to say that was cut from the show 😂😂 (jokes guys I know that was “coz of time” haha no really!)

But it got me thinking about this sanity thing. I suppose that depends on what meaning you assign to sanity? 

Albert Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results each time. But I’m not really a creature of habit. Sure there are things I do daily or weekly that I have done for a while now, but they are more like conscious supportive rituals to me, and these things morph and change quite frequently, as I do through the seasons. 

What feels right now? And now? And now? I struggle to work with long timelines and future goals. I envision the life I want and know how I want to feel when I wake up in the morning, I know the smells I want to smell and the sounds I want to hear and the things I want to see. I close my eyes and go there often. And sometimes in real life. And at the same time I couldn’t be more grateful for the life I get to wake up to each day.

But I’m over trying to “find the balance”. I’m enjoying living over here, like this. Why do I need to be, or appear sane? For who?

I truly believe you’ve got to experience a form of instability before you can have stability, because eventually you find stability in instability. This is where I’ve found my peace. For now at least.

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